The fifth in a series on Being Kind, Always on MyTakeByTamara.com 

During my latest session, my therapist talked about being kind to myself. What we were discussing wasn’t anything new but hearing it referred to as being kind to myself was. Thinking about it afterward I experienced an epiphany, realizing that if I weren’t more consistently kind to myself I’d have trouble being consistently kind to others.

It only makes sense, right? A way of practicing what you preach…

Okay, you might say, but you are kind to yourself, Tamara – look at all the stuff you’ve done and bought for yourself in the last few months! Berlin? The Porsche rentals? Maine? Hello!

Yes, that’s true. I’ve bought lots of things and experiences for myself recently but I don’t know if that truly constitutes being kind. In any case, that’s not what my therapist was referring to and it’s not what I’m talking about either.

Here’s what I am talking about: I have always been my own harshest critic. Blaming or berating myself, calling myself an idiot or a failure, generally being harder on me than anyone else would ever dream of being. When I don’t think I’m fulfilling my potential (often), I can be rather nasty to myself. While I believe I’ve tempered my demands on others over the years, I’ve only demanded more of myself.

I realize now how detrimental these tendencies have been over the years, how much of a role they’ve played in the ‘disturbance in the force’ I’m working through.

It has to stop.

I’m strong enough again to make it stop.

It will stop if for no other reason than my own mental health and wellbeing, good enough reasons all on their own.

Instead of tearing myself down, beating myself up mentally, I’ll focus on building myself up, on filling for myself the gaping hole currently found in my life. And no more universal, self-shaming statements. (That’s my therapist’s term, can you tell? 😉 But it’s relatively self-explanatory.)

And when I’m anxious, annoyed or aggravated – those times when being kind to others is more difficult – I’ll work to recognize those things for what they are and, by being kind to myself, successfully defuse or minimize them.

This, then, is a second reason to start being more kind to me: it will remove a barrier to being kind to others even in those difficult situations, bringing me ever closer to my goal of being kind, always.

This holiday time of year – so difficult for so many – is the right time to start being more kind to myself. You should do the same. Because in being kind to ourselves, we’ll be more kind to others and our worlds will be a better place.